More than a memory
by candidata
Summary: It’s been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past, the present and the future -as they deal with the feelings they've kept buried ever since.
1. Chapter 1

Watch the amazing trailer-video for "More than a memory" made by CathWillows in close co-operation with me. Since I cannot get the site to post with a link in my document you can watch this wonderful piece of work by clicking on my profile for the link!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing. 'More than a memory' by Garth Brooks.

Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR

Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.

Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left. I recommend listening to the song More than a memory by Garth Brooks, find it on youtube.

Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.

**More than a memory**

A love story:

**Present:**

July 2011

**Past:**

The last three years

**Future:**

---

People say she's only in my head

It's gonna take time but I'll forget

They say I need to get on with my life

But they don't realize

Is when your dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone.

Driving cross town just to see if she's home.

Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright.

When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be there in your dreams.

That's when she's

More than a memory

People say she's only in my head

Its gonna take time to but I'll forget...

_**----Garth Brooks**_

---

Prologue

**Late July 2011**

**McCarran International Airport, Las Vegas, Nevada**

**6.15. PM**

'_This is the last boarding call to passenger Gil Grissom leaving on the 6.40 flight to Washington D.C. You must proceed to gate 35B immediately. I repeat this is the last boarding call to passenger Gil Grissom leaving...'_

---

**Late July 2008**

**Gil Grissom's townhouse**

**02.25 AM.**

In the darkness, Gil felt tears fall on his cheeks. He didn't wipe them away. He told himself he didn't care. He was sitting on his bed, his hand subconsciously sliding back and forth over the comforter on what used to be her side.

He willed himself to think of something else besides her. But it was next to impossible. Her smile. Her eyes. Her hands. Her hair. Her.

He slowly rose walked through the dark house to the kitchen, where he reached into the cupboard for a glass. He filled it with cold water and took several gulps. He walked into the living room. He stopped in front of the desk. Several pictures of him with her, him, her and Lindsey and her alone adorned the dark wood. He couldn't make out the faces in the dark, but he knew exactly what they looked like. Suddenly his hand and arm snapped out at wiped all the frames to the floor. He flung the papers on the desk into the air and shoved the pens and small memorabilia from their life together to the floor. Glass shattered in a thousand pieces as it hit the floor mimicking his own heart.

He fell to his knees, hugging himself. The pain from small pieces of glass penetrating his pant leg faded with the painful realization. She was gone. She was not coming back. It was over.

Hours later he opened the door and stepped back as Brass entered. None of them spoke as they walked to the living room. Brass looked at the mess and gestured r for Gil to sit. He then walked over and began picking up the pieces of what was once a perfect family life. Gil just sat there watching him. After he cleaned up, Brass made breakfast but Gil didn't eat, he didn't speak and he never once acknowledged Brass' presence. It wasn't until Brass got up to leave, that Gil lifted his head and gave him a surprised look, as if he hadn't seen him sitting there for the last two hours.

Brass placed his hand on Gil's shoulder for a short while, before he walked to the front door and let himself out.

Gil kept staring at the door. He sat there staring at the door for hours wishing she'd come back and open the door. But the door remained closed.

---

**Late July 2011**

**McCarran International Airport, Las Vegas Nevada**

**6.20. PM**

For three years he had felt his heart drop every time he looked at his front door. Three long years alone had finally pushed him over the edge. He had to make sure she was more than a memory.

With determined steps he approached the flight assistant and handed her his boarding pass. As the plane took off he felt years of frustration, hurt, anger and a longing so strong he could hardly breathe at times, slowly began to unravel.

---

Want more? Then leave a review;)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing. 'More than a memory' by Garth Brooks.

Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR

Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.

Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left. I recommend listening to the song More than a memory by Garth Brooks, find it on youtube.

Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.

**Chapter 1**

---

Cuz when you're dialing her number

Just to hang up the phone.

**--- Garth Brooks**

---

Personal data:

Lindsey is 19 and goes to college. Catherine is 46 and now works as a guest lecturer at Georgetown and writes articles for Forensic Magazine, which is published six times per year. It provides information on various aspects of forensic technology, products, equipment, and laboratory design to professionals who are responsible for forensic laboratories and crime scene investigation.

---

**Late July 2011**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW ****Washington, DC 20036**

**7.30. PM**

"Hey mom." Lindsey looked up from the fashion magazine she was reading.

"Hey honey." Catherine placed her purse and a heavy bag with books, a couple of ring binders and a big stack of essays on her desk in the corner of the spacious living room. Lindsey sat on the couch, which was placed in the middle of the room, a small coffee table in front of it and two armchairs stood on each side of it. Fresh flowers in a big bouquet adorned the small table and a couple of lit scented candles gave the room a cozy feel.

"I forgot to get bananas but other than that I bought everything on the list." Lindsey said now engrossed in her InStyle magazine. Catherine went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, she pressed the red blinking button on the answering machine as she passed it.

She hummed the tune of a song that had been playing on the radio as she drove home. She listened absentmindedly to the messages while she cleaned a couple of dishes and cleaned the kitchen sink. A couple of Lindsey's friends wanting to know if she wanted to get together since she was home from college before her senior year started, one of her co-workers wanted to discuss a paper and then something she hadn't heard in almost a year. Someone hung up after letting a small amount of time pass without saying anything. Not just once but twice in a row. She took a deep breath. It had been almost a year since he had called. And she was sure it was him.

She walked over to the phone and let her fingertips slowly trace the machine, her good mood melting away making room for the aching pain in her heart. Her eyes fell on a picture next to it. She felt her eyes water up. The three people in the picture looked happy and content. Like their life was perfect, but if she had to be honest something was definitely missing.

"Mom!" Lindsey touched her mother's arm. She had been trying to get her mother's attention for almost five minutes.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Catherine knew she had been drifting, she just didn't know for how long.

"I was just asking you if you were alright?" Lindsey gave her mother a worried look. She knew what the sad look in her mother's eyes meant. Gil Grissom.

"Seriously, mom, I thought we decided a year ago, that he was not worth anymore sorrow and heartache." she said softly trying to analyze her mother's reaction to her words. Catherine felt Lindsey's eyes watching her and forced herself to smile.

"Sorry, I know. I know." She told herself to snap out of it. He hadn't come three years ago; whatever made her think it would be different this time around.

"So did you eat?" Lindsey shook her head. Catherine pulled out a menu from their favorite take out restaurant from a stack of folders on the kitchen counter and grabbed the phone as she and Lindsey walked back to the couch and sat down. As Lindsey looked at the menu, Catherine caught herself thinking about him. Why would he call her now, after all this time?

---

**Three years earlier...**

**Late July 2008**

**Georgetown University**

**10.00. AM**

Catherine felt like her knees were about to buckle under her. It felt like she was about to go on stage to dance for the first time. This time, however, she wasn't dancing she was giving a lecture in Basic Bloodstain Pattern Analysis.

Almost 200 young eager faces were looking curiously at her, while their professor introduced her as Catherine Willows - former CSI Supervisor in the country's second most successful lab and newly appointed guest lecturer at Georgetown.

The crowd gave her a small applause as she walked to the podium. She began to speak but suddenly felt like the room was spinning, her throat was dry and her limbs numb. For a second she was sure she was going to pass out but as two sets of hands guided her to the nearest chair she slowly felt the dizziness fade away.

All she could think about was how embarrassing it was. Someone handed her a glass of cold water and a small piece of chocolate. She heard people talking about how it was often like that for first time lectures, their nerves getting the better of them, but she knew that even though she had been nervous, that wasn't the only reason as to why she was feeling like this. The face of Gil Grissom kept haunting her, even half way across the country.

"Ms. Willows do you want to give it another try, or should we let the crowd get a jump start on lunch?" She swallowed hard and gave a determined headshake as she got up and walked back to the middle of the podium.

"I apologize," she began "let's start over, my name is Catherine Willows and I'm a now former CSI with an expertise in blood spatter."

She threw a look over her shoulder to make sure the power point presentation she had brought was working before she continued speaking, forcing Gil Grissom out of her mind.

"There are several different thoughts on how to classify and define bloodstain patterns. The following is one accepted way of categorizing them based on the mechanism that created the stain. The three stain groups are: Passive, Projected, and Transfer/Contact..."

---

**Late July 2011**

**Dulles International Airport**

**Washington D.C.**

**9.15 PM**

"Sir" Gil heard someone talking. It sounded like they were far away.

"Excuse me, sir" he felt someone touching him light on the arm and his head snapped up to face an innocent looking flight attendant.

"Sir, please raise your seat back to upright position, we are about to land." he gave her an apologetic look and quickly sat up, the seat following him as he buckled his seatbelt.

'_Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. On behalf of the crew on this flight from Las Vegas to Washington D.C. I'd like to thank you for flying Southwest Airlines, we hope to you had a pleasant flight and we look forward to flying with you again some day.'_

Gil exited the airport and took a cab to his hotel. It had taken him little time to find her. He just never looked for her until now. He knew that Brass and possibly Warrick had her phone number and kept in contact but he never asked them for help. He looked her up, knowing she had been writing articles on her area of expertise for his favorite magazine, Forensic Magazine. It was published every other month and he had come to rely on her articles, making him feel a little closer to her every time he read them. He had looked her up online, and he now knew that she, besides writing for the magazine, was doing some guest lecturing at Georgetown University, the only thing he didn't know was her address, but that didn't matter. He had all the information he needed in order to find her.

He checked into the JW Marriott Hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue and went directly to bed. But he couldn't fall asleep. For hours he lay awake contemplating how he could win her back. He felt his courage rise and fall many times before he fell asleep sometime between three thirty and four AM. But one thing was sure he wasn't leaving until she was coming with him.

**---**

**Late July 2011**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW ****Washington, DC 20036**

**10.30. PM**

Catherine softly opened the door to her bedroom and stepped in closing the door behind her. After opening the door to her bathroom and turning on the light in there, she quietly walked over to the bed and sat down. The lamp on the bedside table was turned on, she reached over and tuned it off. The soft light from the slightly opened bathroom door fell into the room and covered a small stripe across the bed.

Her hand slowly reached out and her fingers graced the auburn curls on the small child sleeping under the covers. She was about to lean down a kiss the child, when Lindsey opened the bedroom door and tiptoed over to her mother. Lindsey sat down on the bed, her hand coming to rest on the sleeping child. Catherine grasped Lindsey's hand.

"I'm so glad to be home." Lindsey whispered giving the sleeping child a glace.

"Sitting here with the both of you makes me so happy." Catherine answered as the sleeping child began to stir, the auburn curls falling around the delicate face as the eyes began to open.

"Mommy?" a small voice asked. Lindsey leaned down and kissed the child's cheek, then she pulled back and kissed Catherine on the cheek.

"Mommy?" the child asked, now more awake, a small hand finding its way from under the covers to the sleepy eyes.

"I'm right here darling." Catherine finally said, giving Lindsey a small nod before she leaned down to kiss her youngest daughter's face reassuringly.

"Mom, I'll go to bed, see you in the morning ok?" Lindsey said, looking at her mother who had pulled the two and half-year old girl into her arms, softly cuddling her as he blew small kisses on the top of her head. The little girl was fast falling back to sleep, cocooned in her mother's arms.

"Sleep tight honey." Catherine said to both of her daughters, before she laid her sleeping daughter back on the bed and covered her with the bedcover. While Lindsey was home, her baby sister slept in her mother's bedroom so she could have her own room.

Catherine washed her face and brushed her teeth before leaving the bathroom. She turned on a small lamp that had a soft light, and began undressing. As she was slipping out of her clothes she got to thinking about him again. She slid under the covers and tuned off the light. Her eyes closed but she didn't sleep. For hours she laid there thinking about him and what could have been. For almost three years that had been her only escape. During the day she would exclude him from every thought, every conversation, every memory. But at night before she fell asleep she would think about him. There in the privacy of the darkness she would miss him. She would love him.

She felt her daughter stir and a couple of soft but incomprehensible words flowed from her little mouth. For the first time in months Catherine allowed herself to shed a tear for the man she had left three years ago. The father of the little girl sleeping next to her.

---

More, please? Review please!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing.

Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR

Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.

Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left.

Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.

Lindsey is now played by: Danielle Panabaker. A picture of her and Marg can be seen via my profile.

**Chapter 2**

---

Inspiration:

"I thought...It's a story that you hear a lot — the jilted lover, the one who has been cheated on. I thought, 'You know, in that situation, there are three people hurting... What if you were bold enough to tell the story of that other woman, and what she feels like in loving someone that is not fully hers either and knowing that there's another woman...That's complex, adult stuff. Ultimately, it's about the redemption of loving oneself enough to realize, 'I am worth more than this situation. We're all worth more than this situation, really.'"

**Jennifer Nettles – Sugarland**

---

**Early July 2008**

**A plane between Las Vegas and Washington D.C.  
02.15 AM**

**  
**As the plane moved effortlessly through the night she put more and more distance between herself and Las Vegas. Lindsey slept soundly beside her. Everywhere around her people were sleeping. Kids were wrapped up in blankets and couples snuggled up against each other. The only faint sound came from the air condition system.

The silence was driving her crazy and sleep was impossible. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. Never had she felt as alone as she did right now. She had been hoping to the last minute, the last second even that things would change. That he would realize he was making the biggest mistake of his life by letting her walk out his life. But she couldn't stay - not when he was determined not to end things with Sara, who wasn't even working at the lab anymore. After Sara left, they slowly found their way back into each other's lives, into each other's hearts. By the time she found her way into his bed all bets were off. For two blissful months they were totally devoted to each other but one morning a phone call had shattered everything. Sara was back. Gil never understood how he hurt her just by spending an hour with Sara, meeting her for a cup of coffee. For years Catherine had loved him from afar, for a split second he had opened up and let her in, only to close himself off and drift back into a mindless relationship to hide from the relationship they were building.  
She had to leave. She couldn't stand watching him pull back into his shell, shutting her out again, pretending what they had wasn't worth giving a try. One late night he tried to explain, telling her that he had actually betrayed Sara by sleeping with her. That did it. She left him standing in the living room, without a word she turned around and walked away, closing the door after her as she left.

Catherine let out a frustrated sigh; she had to stop thinking about him. She was slowly feeling her insanity slip away. Tossing and turning in her seat to find a comfortable position. She reached for the earphones to find relief in some relaxing music. She switched between the channels and suddenly felt chills going down her spine as raw but piecing voice filled her ears. Oblivious to the tears that slowly sipped from her closed eyes, she slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep.

'You keep telling me, baby   
There will come a time   
When you will leave her arms   
And forever be in mine   
But I don't think that's the truth   
And I don't like being used and  
I'm tired of waiting   
It's too much pain to have to bare   
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay   
I'm down on my knees   
I'm so tired of being lonely   
Don't I give you what you need   
When she calls you to go   
There is one thing you should know   
We don't have to live this way   
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer   
But my will is getting stronger   
And I think I know just what I have to do   
I can't waste another minute   
After all that I've put in it   
I've given you my best   
Why does she get the best of you   
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay   
I'm up off my knees   
I'm so tired of being lonely   
You can't give me what I need

When she begs you not to go   
There is one thing you should know   
I don't have to live this way   
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah'  
**--- Sugarland**

---

**  
Mid July 2008**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW ****Washington, DC 20036**

**  
**

Catherine sat down on the couch in her new living room. She looked around the now furnished apartment. Everything was where it was supposed to be, the cupboards were filled, the fridge was full and she had finished off the moving in by placing fresh flowers in every room. It had been a week since they arrived in D.C. and she had now officially moved in to her new apartment. And by she, she meant only she. She didn't want to admit it, but she missed her daughter with every breath she took. She told herself it was quite normal to feel a sense of loss after your only child left for college.  
Lindsey had started college a few days ago, and though she was still in Washington studying psychology at George Washington University, she had officially moved away from home and into a residence hall offering housing to freshmen on 2034 G Street. But it was still less than a mile from Catherine's apartment, something Lindsey had been less happy about than Catherine. But she didn't complain too much because it wasn't like Catherine could afford her going away to college, but Sam could, and he had left her and Lindsey money. Enough that they could do something, not enough for them to do nothing, as she had once told Gil. So Lindsey, because of her pretty good grades, had the choice of different schools, but eventually chose George Washington because even though she didn't want to admit it, didn't want to leave her mother all by herself. Also it was close enough for her to go visit on a school night for dinner or their traditional movie nights.

Catherine got up from the couch, but had to sit back down. Her hand came up to support her head. Something was definitely wrong. It was the third time today she felt dizzy. After a while she felt okay again and rose, this time slowly and walked from the living room down the hall past Lindsey's bedroom and arrived at her own at the end of the small hall. She opened the door and walked into the bedroom. She felt a sense of calmness sweeping over her. The room was painted a light color, the bed and bed stands a dark chocolate brown with white and light gray bed spread and pillows. The rug was soft and thick under her bare feet. She walked over to the desk and sat down. She ran through her incoming emails and sighed. There was nothing from him, before she could finish the thought the phone rang, and she reached over to answer it, but her answering machine beat her to it.

'_This is Catherine Willow's answering machine, leave your name and number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.' _

Someone was definitely on the other end of the line, she could hear the shallow breathing, but no words came out. Then the line went dead. For two longs minutes she sat there staring at the phone. She felt the small hairs on her arms rise as the phone began to ring again. Once more it was no words. Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she caressed the side of the machine wanting to feel just a little closer to him. Eventually, she shook her head and went to bed pulling out the cord to the machine to find peace and quiet.

---

**Late July 2011**

**JW Marriott Hotel **

**Pennsylvania Avenue**

**08.45 AM**

After breakfast he decided to go for a walk to sort out all the different emotions he was experiencing being so close to her again. He went through his plan and thought over even the smallest detail. The most important this was making sure he had the opportunity to talk to her alone without her feeling like she was being cornered. He decided her home might be the best approach. He just had to find it first. But he was planning to go look her up when he got back to the hotel. He also contemplated going to Georgetown and a lecture of hers, he had found a plan of her scheduled classes online, but decided against it, knowing it would make it impossible to talk to her in private.

He felt better feeling like he had solved part of the mystery surrounding their first meeting in three years. He turned right down 19th street and walked towards Constitution Avenue. He wanted to take a walk along the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. The long, rectangular pool was lined by walking paths and shade trees on both sides. He had read it reflected both the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial depending on which side he chose to walk down. He took a deep breath enjoying having the time to take in the beautiful site. He stooped at the end of the pool looking out over the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool towards the Washington Monument. To his right were a bunch of Japanese tourists speaking together in Japanese, using their hands as they gestured towards the Washington Monument. To his left was a couple, their arms around each other, just standing there enjoying the nice weather and each other. He willed himself to pull his eyes away from the man's hands in the woman's soft auburn curls, and he began walking back towards his hotel. A small group of loudly speaking female students was walking towards him as he turned up Henry Bacon Drive. Just as they passed each other one of the young women turned her head and looked at him. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uncle Gil?" Lindsey couldn't believe her own eyes. For a second she felt happiness spread throughout her body, but then anger and confusion flooded into her bloodstream.

"Lindsey, I..." Gil didn't know what to say. All he knew was that his carefully laid out plan was out the window. She stepped out of the group, and told them she'd join them for classes later. One of them, a Korean girl with curly long hair and delicate features stayed back and pulled her close and whispered something into her ear. She pulled back and eyed Gil suspiciously.

"Maggie, it's fine, it's Gil, Gil Grissom..." Lindsey began but stopped talking when she saw the strange look Gil gave her. Why was she introducing him like that? When he saw Maggie's reaction he knew that she knew all about him. Maggie gave him an angry cold stare; she had heard the story of Gil Grissom. She had seen the sad look in Catherine's eyes when she had asked about the father of Lindsey's sister.

"Linds are you sure..." Maggie tried but Lindsey gave her an assuring smile and Maggie left the two and Lindsey turned to Gil.  
"What are you doing here?" she asked him without any emotion. Gil was still taken aback by their spontaneous meeting. He looked at her. She looked even more like her mother than before. Her hair was darker now, a golden auburn and cascaded down her shoulders and arms in soft slightly curled waves. She had her mother's facial features, though her eyes seemed a darker blue. Small diamond-like studs shone from her earlobes. She wore black tight jeans inside knee high black boots with a thin heel. She had a black long, tight top underneath a grey short jacket with an empire waist, one big button and wide sleeves. A big black leather bag rested on her hip, he could see a MacBook sticking up from the opening of the bag and she held a BlackBerry Pearl in her right hand.

"Lindsey, you look beautiful," he stepped forward to give her a hug but she drew back.

"I asked you what are you doing here?" he could hear the accusations in her voice and knew only had one chance.

"Please, Lindsey, let me explain..." her Blackberry began to ring. She took one look at it.

"It's mom" she saw him visibly pale and her eyes begged her to give him a chance. She gave him a stare that said 'talk now'. He took a deep breath.

"Lindsey," he said his voice surprisingly calm "I screwed up big time and I'm here to say I'm sorry and tell your mother I still love her and that I want her back, if she'll have me, that is." Lindsey was close to walking away but something in the way he said it and the way he looked at her made her give in but it was mainly because she knew her mother still loved him and never really moved on.

"Hi mom" she answered the phone seeing the nervousness in Gil's eyes. She gave him a small reassuring smile.  
"I'm just on my way to class why?" she slowly began walking Gil following her, him listening to her every word like his life depended on it, which in some way it actually did.

"What! I mean really?" she felt awkward all of a sudden.

"This Friday?" he heard her ask and saw something strange in her eyes; she turned her head avoiding his look.

"Sure, no problem, Mark has to work anyway, I'll be there around six okay." she just wanted to get off the phone. This was too weird. Gil felt himself tense up. Who was Mark?

"Mom, I gotta go okay! What, no I'm fine, just late for class" Lindsey hung up the phone and gave Gil a hard long stare.

"You know you'd better be in it for the long run this time," she said, also testing the waters.  
"Lindsey, I promise you I am" he told her the sincerity in his voice almost had her convinced, but then she remembered all the times she had caught her mother crying over this man and decided to try out another tactic.

"Well, your timing sucks" he gave her questioning look a ball of panic exploding though out his body.

"She finally agreed to go on a date with this guy she works with. It's the first date in... well since we came to DC okay, so don't you dare screw this up again. If you're here, I mean really here, then I guess it's okay, but if you're gonna run back to Sara then don't even bother." she told him making sure she he took every beating he possibly could before she decided if she wanted to help him.

If she had to be honest she had always liked him a lot. He was her mother's best friend, he always care for her and for Lindsey. She had missed him too when they left Vegas. But she had also hated him for treating her mother like he did.

Gil felt his heart sink. A date. She was dating again. Moving on? Lindsey saw the sad look in his eyes. She felt an idea form and smiled at Gil.

"So if I were to help you win mom back, what would be in it for me?" she asked her voice in a teasing whisper. She saw his eyes snap up and relief sweet though his body before he eyed with a little suspicion.

"What do you mean in it for you?" he asked her as she walked into his arms finally letting him hug her. They stood there for a while, her enjoying the feel of his arms around her; she put her head on his shoulder. She had missed him; he had always been like a father to her. Him with tears in his eyes, so happy she would help him because he needed all the help he could get.

---

**Mid July 2008  
**

**Georgetown University Hospital **

**3800 Reservoir Road, NW **

**Washington, DC 20007**

Lindsey burst through the hospital doors and had to restrain herself from running towards the reception desk. Her mother was fine; at least that was what she had told her over the phone not 30 minutes ago.

"Hi I'm here to see Catherine Willows, I'm her daughter." Lindsey said trying to catch her breath. She had been on her way to class when her phone rang. Her mother had collapsed outside the lecture hall and had been brought to the hospital. Lindsey cursed herself for not being harder on her mother about seeing a doctor. Two days ago she had come home to visit unannounced and had found her mother hanging over the toilet throwing up again and again. And she knew it wasn't the first time. Her mother kept saying it was nothing and Lindsey eventually stopped bugging her thinking it was the emotional drain her mother had been subjected to since she and Gil split. It could be a severe psychological as well as a physical reaction.

"Ms. Willows you mother was brought into the emergency room but was transferred to the third floor for further tests and treatment, you can take the elevator, and its room 365." the women behind the desk told her.

"Thanks" Lindsey quickly walked to the elevator. She waited for a while until it arrived went inside and as she pressed the button for the third floor her eyes scanned the name on the floor: 'Pasquerilla Healthcare Center'. It told her nothing about what was wrong but she was worried. What was all that about further treatment?

As she stepped out on the third floor she quickly found her mother's room and knocked softly on the door before opening it. Her mother was sleeping, her arms and hands resting above the comforter; there was an IV-drip in her left hand. Other than that Lindsey saw nothing out of the ordinary. She walked to the bed and looked at her mother relief spreading throughout her body.  
A small knock on the door made her turn around. A young doctor entered the room. His reassuring smile actually made her heart jump, he gestured for her to follow him outside. She cast a glance at her mother before walking to the door.

He stood outside waiting for her. He gave her hand a small shake as he introduced himself. His hand still holding onto hers, it was only the third week of his rotation, but he was sure this was not what he was supposed to be feeling when meeting the relatives of a patient. He could see how she looked like her mother, her blue eyes meeting his giving him a questioning stare her eyebrow popping a bit up like her mother's when he had giving her the news not long ago.  
"You must be Lindsey, your mother said you were on your way. I'm Mark" something about her made him nervous. "Eh...Mark Goodwin, Dr. Goodwin" Lindsey looked at the young man in front of her. She instantly liked him. His dark curly hair, smiling blue eyes and his warm soft hand that held hers. She shyly withdrew her hand, feeling his eyes lingering on her. For a couple of seconds they just stood there, until a group of people passed them.  
"Your mother was brought in an hour ago, she was admitted to the ER but was transferred up here." he explained, Lindsey snapped out of whatever it was she had been caught up in.  
"What happened to her? They said something about treatment, is she going to be fine? I knew something was not right, I tried to..." she felt herself rambling on.

He grasped her right elbow and gently led her to a couple of chairs and they sat down. His hand never leaving her arm.

"You mother will be fine, don't worry. She was dehydrated when she was brought in but when her IV drip is done, she should be fine again. She needs a lot of rest though, her body has been under quite a lot of stress from what she's told me" he saw questions in Lindsey's eyes as she was about to interrupt him again.

"I'll let her tell you what is going, she asked me not to tell you." he told her, knowing it was not satisfying.  
"Mark... I mean Dr. Goodwin, please tell me, is it serious?" Lindsey asked her hand subconsciously reaching out to grasp his. He looked down and she quickly pulled her hand away a slight blush crawling from her neck into her cheeks.

"I'm sorry...I ..." she mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. And hey you can call me Mark" he told her honestly. "Why don't we go back in and see if she's awake?" he asked getting up and guiding her back into the room holding the door for her.  
"Mom!" Lindsey almost flew over to the bed when she saw her mother now wide-awake.

"You scared me," she said giving her mother a tight hug.  
"I'm going to be just fine Lindsey, don't worry, I just..." Catherine began to explain. Dr. Goodwin pulled up a chair for Lindsey and softly padded her arm to let her know she could sit down, taking her bag from her shoulder and placing it on the table. A small gesture but the way he stepped into Lindsey's personal space without her minding it was not lost on Catherine. The way Lindsey referred to Dr. Goodwin by his first name confirmed her suspicion.

"Mom, Mark told me you were dehydrated and stressed, I knew you were not okay. Is it stress? Or is something else going on?" Lindsey asked, knowing her mother would pick up on the something else as a hint to Gil.  
"Dr. Goodwin would you please excuse us?" Catherine asked, not wanting him to be there when she told Lindsey the news.

"Of course." he said turning to leave but then decided he had to say just one other thing: "Lindsey come see me at the reception desk when you leave if you have any questions okay?" He knew he was out of line, but he had never met anyone like her.  
"Okay" Lindsey didn't want him to know she was very interested in him, so she pretended she was more occupied with her mother as he left the room. But Catherine knew her daughter.

"So... he seems nice. He's a third year medical student from Georgetown" Catherine said, watching her daughter avoid eye contact.

"Mom...quit the small talk" Lindsey look directly at her again. Catherine felt her resolve crumble. For the last hour she had been contemplating how to tell Lindsey. But even more she had thought about him. Should she tell him or not. For a while she didn't want to. Then she thought what if he would drop Sara then? That would be nice, but then again what if didn't leave Sara but wanted to claim his rights. She felt physically sick at the thought. There was no way she'd risk that, she was going to do this on her own. She had Lindsey. And now she would have another little one. It would be fine, she convinced herself.

"Lindsey honey, I'm... I mean you're going to..." she couldn't say it. Tears began to pool in her eyes, what if Lindsey would hate for doing this. But she knew in her heart she couldn't end it. They had created this amazing little life. Him and her. And she already loved her baby. Her hand came down to rest protectively on her stomach.

"Mom, what is it, you're scaring me" Lindsey crawled onto the bed and drew her mother into her arms slowly rocking them back and forth. She hated when her mother cried. It made her so sad.

"I'm pregnant" Catherine whispered into Lindsey's shoulder. The rocking stopped. For a while they just sat there. Then Lindsey pulled back looking into her mother's eyes. A small smile forming but then her eyes grew serious.

"Are you going to be alright" they both knew what she was referring to. Catherine nodded feeling strength and determination flood through her.

"With you and this in my life, how could I not be" Lindsey nodded a small tear escaping her eye, as her hand came to rest over her mother's. She knew it wouldn't be easy for her mother going through this alone, but it was her choice and Lindsey had to admit she loved the idea. They would deal with all the consequences later.  
"A baby-sister," Lindsey said, amazement evident in her voice.

"Well, that or a baby-brother" Catherine said smiling at the obvious excitement Lindsey was showing. It somehow dulled the ache of missing out on his reaction to the news.  
"Trust me. It's gonna be a girl" Lindsey said pulling her mother into a hug.

---

Thanks so much for all the reviews. I hope you all like this second chapter! Sorry about the wait, the research and writing process is a bit longer with this story due to the constant change in time and storyline. Hopefully, you'll all stay tuned anyway! Remember to review! All my best C


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing.

Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR

Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.

Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left.

Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.

Annabelle Willows and Katie Hunter are mine.

**Chapter 3**

Even though it's been so long, my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do, a kiss in the rain

Till the sun shined through, I'd try to deny it, but I'm still in love with you

I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy, ever since you went away  
Every hour of every day, I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do, there's just no getting over you

**--- Natalie Cole**

---

**Late July 2011**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW ****Washington, DC 20036**

**Thursday Night**

**  
**

Catherine sighed her hands coming up to run through her hair. What was she going to wear? She hadn't been on a real date in almost four years. After they moved to Washington she had buried herself in work and then Annabelle was born. For almost three years she had deliberately ignored any man who had attempted to ask her out, but recently she had found herself drawn to this man at work. He had recently joined the faculty and had immediately shown interest in her. Peter Kraus was handsome no doubt about it. His short dark curls, well trained body and an academic success to boast about. He was a criminal psychologist hired to teach the students how to put themselves in the place of the perpetrators. He was waiting to take over her class one day and they got to talking. The next day they ran into each other in the Uncommon Grounds coffee house on campus. He paid for her coffee and they walked together to her class, where he asked if they could go out for a planned cup of coffee at some point. She had politely but surely said no thanks. Saying no had become such a habit that she didn't think more of it. But he was waiting for her when her lecture ended 90 minutes later, offering to walk her to lunch and even carry her books. She had laughed at him and eventually given in. They ate lunch at the Courtside Café talking about their areas of expertise. She actually felt herself relax in his company. But she had to go. Annabelle had a check-up appointment at the medical center to make sure she was over an ear infection. He didn't seem to mind she had kids. He was divorced with no children. His ex-wife lived in California where she taught psychology. He listened to her tell about Lindsey as he walked her to her car. They said goodbye by the car. On her way home she caught herself thinking about Peter. She smiled, maybe she was slowly finding her way back to life? But then a song on the radio made her smile falter. Natalie Cole's smooth voice pulled at her heartstrings. She let out a frustrated sigh. Was she ever going to get over Gil Grissom? When Annabelle threw herself into her arms, her small hands clutching onto her shirt and buried her small head in her shoulders minutes later she knew she was far from over him. But Peter was insistent. He kept sticking around for lunch, for coffee and finally she gave him her number. He had left four messages on her machine when she got home. Each of them asking her in a new way to go on a date with him, and still she held him at arms length for almost three months before she finally agreed to go on a date with him.

Standing here deciding what she was going to wear was going to be harder than the actual date. She needed to go shopping tomorrow morning. Fortunately, she had just handed in an article for Forensic Magazine on transfer bloodstain. She didn't have any lectures and she knew Lindsey also had the day off. She picked up the phone.

"Hi honey." she said beginning to put all the clothes on the bed back into the closet.  
"Just fine, I wanted to hear if you wanted to go shopping tomorrow. We could meet up for an early lunch first" she thought she heard someone talking in the background, the voice sounding somewhat familiar. Lindsey said something back, but she couldn't make the words out.

"Are you still there?" Catherine walked from the bedroom into the bathroom to grab a bottle of lotion.

"Is someone there?" she listened to Lindsey's explanation about a TV night with friends, and decided to let it go.

"So I'll see you at 11 at the Cheesecake Factory, then we'll go shopping afterwards?" they said goodbye and Catherine hung up. She went into the room next to hers. Annabelle was sleeping peacefully in her bed. Her small fits tightly wrapped around the comforter. Catherine stood there for minutes just watching her. She kept telling herself that this was for the best. She had to move on, and Peter was the only guy she had even remotely felt comfortable around since they moved to DC. She was going to follow through with this. She left Annabelle, lingering a moment in the doorway before returning to her bedroom to go to sleep.

Just as she was about to surrender to the much needed sleep her phone rang. She sighed and reached over to answer it.

"Hello" Nothing.

"Hello" Nothing happened.

"Anyone there?" Suddenly she had the strongest feeling that it was him.

"Gil?" she whispered wishing with all her heart he would say something. The person on the other end of the line hung up.

She lay back and felt tears slide down her cheeks. Was she ever going to be able to let go of him?**  
**

---

**At the same time****  
**

**Lindsey' dorm room ****  
****2034 G Street**

**2034 G Street NW Washington, DC 20052**

Hanging up on her knowing she knew it was him was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Yet he had done it a million times already but before he came to DC he had promised himself the next time he contacted her it would be in person. Therefore he hated doing it again but Lindsey assured him it was all part of her brilliant plan.

"So..." he asked her. She took the phone from his hand. She put it on the table and said:

"Now we wait, tomorrow I'll bring you up, make sure she has you on her mind before her date." Gil felt himself tense up. The date. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Uncle Gil seriously, she is still so into you she can't think straight at times." Lindsey assured him.

"So is there anything I should know, anything beside her dating, anything new?" he asked trying to change the subject a little. Hearing she was still thinking of him made him feel good, but also bad because he knew he had wasted so much time.

"Eh...well, not really" the way she said it made him stop and think. She avoided his look as she pulled on her coat to walk him to his car.

"Lindsey what are you not telling me?" he grabbed her hand to get her attention.

"Uncle Gil that really is something you should talk to mom about, okay?" he could sense he would get nothing out of her and had to accept it. He should be thankful for the fact that she was even helping him.   
After Lindsey had walked Gil to his car she came back to her room and immediately pulled a couple of picture frame with her and Annabelle and one of her mother and the two girls out of her closet. She put them back up in their usual place.

"Sorry Anna, but you're mom's secret not mine" she thought out loud using her nickname for her sister.

All way home Gil couldn't stop thinking about the thing Lindsey wouldn't tell him. Every possible thought ran through his head. Maybe this wasn't really Cath's first date, had they been back to Vegas, had Lindsey already told her mom he was in town? He went through every possible option that is besides the right one.

---

**  
Late August 2008**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW, ****Washington, DC 20036**

**Early morning**

She awoke before her alarm clock went off. For a couple of minutes she just lay there, her hands coming to rest on her lower abdomen. She was almost three months pregnant and a small bump had definitely formed where her usually flat and well-trained stomach used to be. Her fingers softly caressed the skin. She hadn't felt the baby move but she was sure it was not far off. With the Lindsey she had first noticed it at night when she lay down to sleep. It felt like butterflies fluttering. At first she had chalked it up to gas or hunger pains, but once eventually she started fell them more regularly, and then recognized the difference.

When her phone rang she sighed, it was the same as the last couple of days. A hang-up. She held her breath as they listen to her answering machine before he just stayed on the line for a minute or so. When the line when dead she curled herself into a small ball, her arms going around her body, protecting her stomach and cried.

After a while she rose and went into the shower letting the hot water wash away any trace of her sorrow. She had to finish her first article to Forensic Magazine. She had been so excited when they offered her a regular spot on the writing staff. Gil had recommended her when they contacted him. Every time she thought of it now it made her cringe. Anyways, she finished her shower and decided to just spend the day in comfortable sweat pants and a tank top. One of the big advantages about working from home. She sat down in front of the screen and began working. She had a desk and full office like corner of the living room, completed by two tall room separators making the office part seem like an entirely separate room. Her desk was large, white and with a lot of shelves. She had research and articles hanging on the walls, post it's everywhere and a new MacBook. She had bought one for her and Lindsey when they came to D.C. Lindsey was thrilled, Cath just needed a laptop, she had left her old one at the lab.

A couple of hours later she got up to fix herself a plate of fresh fruit. As she was carving the fruit her eyes fell on a post it note she had left for herself last night. She had to book an appointment for a check up. She walked back to her chair and sat down, she opened another window in Firefox and typed in the address for her doctor. Dr. Goodwin or Mark as she had come to known him after him and Lindsey had begun dating had recommended agynecologist after asking around at work. Catherine looked at the picture of Lindsey on her desk as the online booking was loading. She was really growing up. Mark was her first serious boyfriend, and even though she had been a little skeptical she had to admit she really liked him. Even though he was a couple of years older than Lindsey he didn't seem too old for her or like he was pressuring her into anything. He was very sweet and considerate with Lindsey and with her. He kept telling Lindsey if her mother needed anything she should come to him and he'd ask around. Catherine had invited the two of them over for dinner last week when Lindsey turned 18 and they had a terrific evening. Lindsey ended up spending the night at the apartment as Mark headed home before an early shift at the hospital.

A pling-sound from the screen made her turn her attention back to it. She booked her next appointment a week later and was about to shut down the window when something caught her eye. It was an ad for nursery furniture. She paused her finger lingering on the touch pad for a couple of seconds. Then she moved the curser to the ad and clicked on it. Except for Lindsey's first dress and a pair of her baby shoes she hadn't brought any baby things with her to D.C. She never expected to become pregnant again so she actually threw most of it away and gave a bit of it to one of the receptionists at the lab, who was pregnant when they left. So she basically needed everything. When she had Lindsey she couldn't afford anything fancy but now she could, thanks to Sam. And she decided there and then she wanted everything to be perfect this time, in order to make up for this little girl missing out on having a father, she told herself, but it was just as much for herself to distance herself from the constant heartache, when she thought of Gil. Maybe focusing on this would take her mind of him for a while. Work could wait; she was almost done with it anyway and had three days until deadline. The next couple of hours she spend looking at everything from cribs to dressers, changing tables, baby blankets to wall décor and strollers. She found the perfect things and ordered most of it. It would arrive in two months time. She chose a white crib that could be converted into a bed for different ages. A changing table and a dresser also white. She ordered bedding and sheets for the crib and also decided on a Arm's Reach Original Co-Sleeper basinet she could place right by her own bed for the first months. She leaned back while going through the list of things she had purchased. She felt happy for the first time since she couldn't remember. Her hands came to rest over her bump and she began telling her daughter about all the things she had just gotten for her. Speaking to her unborn daughter had become a habit almost immediately, especially since she was now living alone. She got up and went to the bathroom as she was finishing up in there she got to looking at her clothes. She was still pretty small for being three months along, but she needed new clothes soon. She had used loose pants and some cute baby doll styled dresses for the last month or so. She went into the bedroom and walked over to the full-length mirror. She stood facing it, then turned to look at her silhouette. Her hands slowly slid across her stomach. Tears were threatening to fall, all she wanted was him behind her his arms surrounding her and his hands hovering above hers. She was close to picking up the phone, but she chickened out again. The custody scare getting to her once again. She walked back to her office and began browsing for maternity clothes. She bought new dresses, skirts, pants and tops. She also needed lingerie and sleep wear, her sleep hipsters were becoming too tight. She opened itunes. She could use some encouraging music. She softly sang along with Beyonce on Irreplaceable, trying to ignore the obvious, that even if every man in the world would knock on her door right now, she wouldn't know how to replace Gil with any of them.

You must not know about me

You must not know about me

I could have another you in a minute

Matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me

You must not know about me

I will have another you by tomorrow

So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything

How about I'll be nothing

Nothing at all to you

Baby I wont shed a tear for you

I won't lose a wink of sleep

Cause the truth of the matter is

Replacing you is so easy

**---Beyonce**

---

**Late July 2011**

**The Cheesecake Factory  
5345 Wisconsin Avenue NW,  
Washington, DC 20015**

**Friday at lunch**

"Hi mom, sorry I'm late, I had to meet Mark at 9 for a cup of coffee. Where's Anna?" Lindsey gave her mother a kiss on the cheek before looping her arm with hers and entering the restaurant. They decided to sit downstairs by the windows. They both ordered a Renee's special: One-Half of a Fresh Turkey, a Cup of Our Soup and a Small Green Salad. As they waited for their drinks Lindsey decided to put her and Gil's plan into action. She was about to say something when they got their drinks.

"I think I saw Uncle Gil yesterday" Lindsey eyed her mother carefully.

Catherine almost choked on her mouthful of water. Her stomach doing a flip at them mention of his name.  
"Excuse me" she said trying to get a hold on herself.

"I'm not sure, I mean it really looked like him. He was walking down by the Washington Monument, but then again it could have been anyone. So what are you looking for, a dress or pants or?" Lindsey kept talking like everything was just fine and she had not just dropped the biggest bomb there could ever be right in the middle of lunch.   
"Whoa, slow down Lindsey. You saw Gil, did you ... I mean, did he see you?" Catherine was telling herself it wouldn't matter if Gil was in D.C. He was free to travel around if he wished to.

"Nope, well don't think so. I was with Maggie and the girls, so I'm not really sure it was him. Did he tell you he might be in town?" Lindsey asked, knowing she had been right when she told Gil her mother still cared a lot for him. Catherine felt emotions racing through her, she sat in silence for a while before she said anything.

"I think he's here too". That threw Lindsey for a second.

"Really, why?" she asked, watching as her mother was trying to see indifferent.

"He's been calling me again" Catherine admitted, Lindsey smiling inside. He mother was a smart woman. The CSI in her never failing to connect the dots.

"Mom, I'm not sure it was him. But if it was, would you like to see him?" Lindsey asked softly, knowing she was treading on thin ice.

"I don't know. I guess... well... NO, not really" Catherine said trying to persuade not only Lindsey but herself as well.

"Okay," Lindsey knew not to push her mother anymore. She had gauged her reaction at the mention of Gil's name and knew her mother was lying now.

Their food arrived and they ate, keeping the conversation light. After that they went to Loehmann's next door to look for a really nice dress for Catherine to wear that night.  
Catherine kept pushing thoughts of Gil out of her mind. She had to focus; she was finally moving on, she couldn't let him get to her like this. She was determined to have herself some kind of personal life by the time Lindsey went back to college, so she wouldn't feel obligated to take time off to look after her mother all the time. And she wanted Annabelle to have a happy mother as well, and that included a personal life, someone over the age of two to spend the evenings and nights with and someone to hold her, kiss her and care for her, when she needed it. She kept telling himself that Peter might be that person, but she was confused, what would Gil be doing in Washington anyway, and why hadn't he contacted her, and...

"MOM" Lindsey gave her mother's arm a light squeeze.  
"Are you even paying attention?" Lindsey gave her mother a suspicious look, her eyebrow raising, just like her mother, when she was evaluating the situation.

"Sure Linds, sorry, I was just..." Catherine didn't know what to say.

"You were thinking about Grissom, I know," Lindsey told her knowingly. A slight blush crept up Catherine's neck to her cheeks and she looked determinedly at the dress Lindsey was holding up in order to avoid looking straight at Lindsey.

"Mom," Lindsey asked her softly pulling her into one of the dressing rooms.

"Are you sure about this, the date I mean, there's no need to be rushing into things. I know you're not over Grissom yet, I wonder if you'll ever be, so maybe this wasn't such a good idea..." Lindsey knew she was laying it on thick, but she had to be sure before she went on with her and Grissom's plan.

Catherine closed her eyes for a second. Feelings of confusion raced through her body. She still loved him, but at the same time it had been three long years, and if he was really here, then why hadn't he contacted her. She opened her eyes and gave Lindsey a reassuring smile.

"I'm going on that date," she told her with determination in her voice. She was going to go out and have fun, flirt and maybe even share a kiss with Peter. Gil Grissom was part of her past, now she was looking to secure her future.  
Lindsey smiled, knowing her plan would work wonders. All she needed was to convince Gil to go out on a limb and the possibility of a real conversation between the two and a happily ever after would be in sight.

---

**  
Late August 2008**

**CSI Lab**

**Las Vegas**

_Forgive, sounds good._

_Forget, I'm not sure I could._

_They say time heals everything,_

_But I'm still waiting_

_I'm through, with doubt,_

_There's nothing left for me to figure out,_

_I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying  
_**-Dixie Chicks**

Gil was back at work. Or his body was. His mind was at home, sleeping, crying, trying to forgive and forget. He handed out assignments, processed evidence and closed cases like a robot. He did paperwork until he collapsed on his bed, sleep overtaking him but woke up minutes later trying to escape the dreams of her that haunted him.   
He still couldn't believe he'd lost her. How could he have been that stupid? When everything seemed to entirely impossible to bear he went to his closet and pulled out the sweater she had left there one of the last times she was over. He slept with it under his head, his fingers clutching the fabric, trying to recall the scent that was so uniquely her.

It was over between him and Sara. No doubt. In fact Sara had left the lab and moved back to San Francisco. A new CSI had joined the team, a young woman from Chicago. Her name was Katie Hunter; her hair was long, wavy and golden red and her eyes piercing blue. Even though there were several differences both in looks and personality, she reminded him of Catherine. And he slowly became, although a shadow of himself, the old Grissom again. Katie had heard the story about Catherine and felt sorry for her new boss. She truly liked him, despite his often grumpy mood and tendency to keep to himself. Slowly she found her way into his good books.

"Grissom" Katie entered his office without knocking and went straight to his desk.

He looked up and her and smiled. She reminded him so much of Catherine, suddenly reality hit him and the smile crumbled. Katie noticed but decided to ignore it.

"I wanted to see if you had filled out the request form for my conference in Miami next month" she asked him, already knowing the answer.

"Grissom! I need to send it in today" she scrolled him in a light tone with a small smile.  
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'll fill it out immediately. I'm sorry, I tend to forget and usually Cather..." he stopped himself before he could finish the sentence.

Katie looked at him seeing the sadness seeping from his eyes.

"Hey, don't worry about it. And for the record, that Catherine seems like a great girl, why don't you give her a call" she asked, before she turned around and left the office. She really liked this Grissom guy, but she felt sorry for him. From what the other's had told her Catherine had been Grissom's life. Katie frowned a bit, if this Catherine had been so important, then why had he let her get away. She had decided a couple of days ago, that she was tired of seeing his sad face all the time. And since the others clearly didn't have any success getting to the bottom of this mystery, she was going to do it. And if that meant looking into stuff on her own time then that be it. She loved matchmaking and she had a feeling this match was so meant to be, it was only a matter of time before the two involved would realize that as well. Little did she know it would take her almost three years to successfully make the match.

**---   
Late July 2011**

**The 1789 Restaurant**

**1226 36th Street, NW, **

**Washington, DC 20007**

**Friday Night**

He saw her immediately when she entered the restaurant, her date following, his hand on the small of her back. Gil felt jealousy rise in every part of his body. Maybe this was a bad idea. Lindsey had convinced him it would work. He would be able to get a glimpse of her, and all he had to do was get up at some point walk across the room making sure she saw him and then he could go home. They had to make sure she saw him, or at least thought she saw him. Lindsey knew it would be enough to make her cancel with Peter, which was the next step of her plan.

Gil watched as they were escorted to a small table in the back of the room where he was out of sight. His eyes took in Catherine's dress and the way she moved. She was beautiful. And she was with someone else. In a split second he understood why she had to leave back then. If she had felt even half as bad as he did right now, he couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't blame her for leaving. God, he was such an idiot, but he was going to change all that.

Catherine sat in the restaurant looking around as Peter had excused himself. He had to use the bathroom, which gave her a chance to gather her thoughts. She was nervous. And she didn't know if it was a good or bad kind of nervous. All she knew was that the butterflies that had begun twirling around in her stomach the second she stepped into the shower back in her apartment had now grown into a big chaotic rumble. She thought back to when she was getting ready earlier on.

She had looked at the reflection staring back at her from the full-length mirror, after deciding on a black dress. It was after all a first date and she wanted to make a good impression, and at the same time they had know each other for a while, so she felt like making an effort.

The dress was flirty and fresh, but at the same time sexy and sophisticated. It was cut pretty low, but it still seemed classy without being too sexy. There were small ruffles at the bottom, which ended just on her knee, so her legs looked elongated in the high black silk stilettos with a big shiny silvery rhinestone flower on top of the toes, she wore. She had her lips gloss and powder in a small black silk clutch. Her hair came cascading down her shoulders in soft waves and her make up was heavy on the eyes, but soft and natural on the cheeks and lips. Diamond studs shone from her earlobes. She had to admit, that she looked very well put together. So why was she so nervous. Could it be because she hadn't gone on a date in years, that she maybe really liked this guy or was it because of a certain Gil Gri...

Her thoughts were interrupted by her doorbell. She grabbed a sheer black scarf and quickly walked to the door. When she opened it, she smiled slightly, know she still had what it took to render any guy speechless. Peter's eyes were roaming her body, desire evident. 

"Catherine, you look amazing" he told her as he leaned over and gave her a small hug.

"Thank you, you look pretty handsome yourself," she teased him back. And he really did look good. He was wearing a black suit with a crisp white shirt and a silver tie that matched her earrings and the shiny stones on her shoes. She accepted the big bunch of beautiful white tulips he had brought, and gestured for him to enter as she found a vase for them.

"I'm sorry, there was a line" Peter had returned to their table and sat down opposite her. They had ordered and was waiting for the food, sipping at the drinks they had just ordered. Catherine gave him a reassuring smile and watched as he leaned over, his hand coming to rest over hers as he whispered in her ear.

"You really look amazing tonight."

He pulled back but his hand kept resting over hers. She looked down at it.

"You know, I was really beginning to doubt, you'd ever agree to a date" Peter said, her eyes snapping up to meet his.

"Yeah, well..." she was about to tell him, she was glad she finally gave in when something caught her eye. For a second she felt all air leave her body, her stomach flip and warmth rush to her face and into her cheeks.

He was there. Gil Grissom. Here in the same restaurant as her. After three long years her eyes drank in the sight of him as she saw him being escorted through the room. Suddenly it hit her. He had to be here with someone and she felt herself panic. What if it was Sara, what if they saw her. She felt someone grab her hand and squeeze it. Peter was saying something, but she couldn't hear him, all she knew was that she had to get out of there. She abruptly stood up and by mistake pulled at the tablecloth both glasses and a small vase with roses came crashing down on the floor. Every set of eyes in the room zoomed in on her. She knew he had to be looking to. Her head slowly came up and her eyes sought out his in a second. The look he gave her almost made her knees buckle. It was a mixture of pain, anger, desire, pure lust, confusion and jealousy. She felt herself sway slightly.

"Catherine" Peter's arms came up to support her.

"I'm... I'm so sorry Peter, but I have to..." She tried to pull away but felt him tighten his hold on her making sure she didn't fall. Her eyes sought out Gil's again. She saw him get up and approach them. She tried to breathe, telling herself she could do this, but her mind was blank, but as soon as he spoke she felt everything coming back to her in nanosecond. Them. Together. Apart. Annabelle. Lindsey. Her. Annabelle. The secrecy. The heartache. Annabelle...

"Hello Catherine" Gil said stepping up to the two, gently but firmly pulling her away from Peter's hold.

---- 

See Catherine's dress here: 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing

0Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing.

Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR

Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.

Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left.

Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.

**Chapter 4**

_Come on…_

_Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah!_

_An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can?_

_Honey, you know I did!_

_And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,_

_But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough._

_I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,_

_Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)_

_Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (have a..)_

_Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah._

_You know you got it if it makes you feel good,_

_Oh yes indeed._

_**- Janis Joplin**_

--

**Late July 2011**

**The 1789 Restaurant**

**1226 36th Street, NW, **

**Washington, DC 20007**

**Friday Night**

Catherine closed her eyes as she felt Gil's hand close softly around her wrist as he pulled her from Peter's arms. His voice sent shivers down her back but the instant Peter's angry voice seeped through her cloudy mind, she snapped back to reality and took a step away from Gil towards Peter. Mostly to distance herself from him momentarily, but also because she wanted to stand between the two for whatever was to come.

"Excuse me, but you're interrupting our date" Peter told Gil his irritation obvious; he moved to stand beside Catherine, something both her and Gil pretended not to notice.

"Gil... I..." Catherine began to speak, but nothing really came out.

Their eyes had locked in on each other. For a little while they just stood there staring at each other, the tension so strong people at the nearby tables couldn't help but look. Peter had fallen silent. He knew this was not good. Gil Grissom.  
Eventually Catherine tore her eyes away, quickly stepped around Peter and grabbed her purse.

"Let's go," she stated as she passed Peter grabbing his arm and dragging him with her. Gil was left standing in the restaurant. Did he just lose her all over again? He shook his head. He was going to fight for her until she told him right out she didn't want him and even then he still wouldn't accept it. He had to go after her.

Outside Catherine was debating in her mind if she should go back in or run as fast and as far away as she could. Peter, who had heard the story of Gil Grissom and for a long time had expected her to never get over this guy, was watching her, seeing emotions clouding her eyes. He thought tonight would be the proof that she had finally moved on. He knew now that she never had and based on what he had just witnessed back there never would.

"Get in the car," he told her, watching as her eyes snapped to his. He saw the insecurity and confusion in her eyes.  
"I'm gonna take you back to your apartment," he told her reassuringly. Catherine felt bad for him. Peter was a really great guy. He was caring, understanding and in any way you could imagine the perfect match. Just not for her.

"Thanks" she told him and got into the car. Just as he turned the key, they both saw Gil as he came running from the restaurant.  
Catherine saw him nearing the car but then tore her eyes away and whispered:

"Please, keep driving." She tried to ignore the sound of Gil yelling her name over and over again as the car pulled out of the restaurant drive way and into the street.

**Mid September 2008**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW, ****Washington, DC 20036****.**

**  
Late Afternoon**

Catherine locked herself into her apartment, put her keys on the small coffee table and placed her purse on the kitchen counter. She went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and grabbed an apple. On her way to the couch she grabbed the white envelope sticking up from the purse. She went to sit down and placed the water and apple on the living room coffee table before she slowly pulled the content of the envelope into the light.

A smile spread on her face as she looked at the black and white print in her hand. Her fingertips softly traced the image. For the first time in days, weeks, maybe even months she actually felt happy.

She had brought Lindsey to the ultrasound and had truly enjoyed seeing her daughter's face light up at the sound of the baby's heartbeat and the tears in her eyes when she saw the blurred image on the screen. Lindsey's hand had never left Catherine's during the examination and ultrasound. Lindsey even took notes during the conversation with the doctor, making sure she had everything down on diet, exercise and rest cycle. She eagerly accepted the pamphlet on Lamaze class and eventually asked several questions. Catherine was pleasantly surprised. Lindsey had really done research.

After the ultra sound appointment they went out for lunch and took a walk down The Washington Mall enjoying the warm day.

It had been a very good day until Lindsey had asked her about Gil. Catherine sighed. What was she supposed to say, that she wanted him there, which she didn't? Lindsey demanded the answers Catherine knew she owed not only Lindsey but also herself. She closed her eyes, leaning back, her hand resting on her abdomen tracing light circles on it as she thought back to the conversation Lindsey and she had a couple of hours ago.

"Mom did you decide what you wanted to do about Gil?" Lindsey asked holding her mother's gaze for as long as she could before seeing her turn her head.

"Lindsey... not here" Catherine fiddled with her napkin, her fingers turning the cup of tea she was drinking.

"Yes mom. You need to deal with this. Either you tell him or you don't but you need to make that decision and soon. It will make you feel better when you finally settle on something," Lindsey said, Catherine knowing she was right.

" I know" Catherine whispered, slightly cursing as she felt tears well up. She angrily brushed away a single stray one.

"Mom I know it's not easy. But you need to do this" Lindsey was quiet for a second contemplating how to let her mother know what she thought was right.

"Don't you think he has a right to know?" she saw her mother's eyes snap up to meet hers, and immediately knew why her mother had not wanted to start this conversation in public.

"Lindsey!" her name came out with an angry edge.

"He lost that right when he went back to her. Sara. Don't you think I don't want him here besides me, with us, holding me at night, watching our baby grow and be part of this family?" Catherine's voice had slowly faded from a high pitch to a low whisper as she noticed two young women at the table next to them turn and stare.

"Excuse me" she quickly rose and fled to the bathroom tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Damn" Lindsey muttered under her breath. "Damn you Gil Grissom". She knew her mother had already decided what to do. She was doing this alone, and as much as Lindsey wanted to tell Gil so he could own up to his responsibly and possibly admit his true feelings, she knew it was her mother's decision and decided there and then never to mention Gil again and to support whatever plan her mother had worked out.

In the café's tiny bathroom Catherine dried her eyes. She looked into the mirror, her hand softly coming to rest on her abdomen.

"We're gonna be just fine you and me" she slowly caressed her stomach while she spoke before looking into the mirror:

"I don't need you Gil, we will be just fine." With that she left the bathroom and joined her daughter to begin a new phase of their lives. The three of them against the rest of the world.

Catherine awoke with a start. She had fallen asleep on the couch, the ultrasound still right beside her head. She rose determinedly and walked to her bedroom. Within minutes she had compiled a small pile of things on her bed and went to her living room to retrieve a small box. She put all the things into the box, an old t-shirt, a small flower card, two small notes, a dried rose flower head and a thin gold necklace. She put the lid on and went the hallway closet; where she placed the box on the top shelve before closing the door with a deep breath.

--

**Late July 2011**

**Catherine Willows apartment**

**Dupont Circle**

**2000 N St. NW, ****Washington, DC 20036****.**

**Saturday 02.00 AM**

_It's been the longest winter without you_

_I didn't know where to turn to_

_See somehow I can't forget you_

_After all that we've been through_

_Going coming thought I heard a knock_

_Who's there no one_

_Thinking that I deserve it_

_Now I realise that I really didn't know_

_If you didn't notice you mean everything_

_Quickly I'm learning to love again_

_All I know is I'm gon' be ok_

_Thought I couldn't live without you_

_It's gonna hurt when it heals too_

_It'll all get better in time_

_And even though I really love you_

_I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to_

_It'll all get better in time_

_Since there's no more you and me_

_It's time I let you go _

_So I can be free_

_And live my life how it should be _

_No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you_

_Yes I will_

**- Better in time, Leona Lewis**

Her eyes fluttered open. She lay completely still for a couple of seconds. Then it all came back to her. Peter, the date and Gil. She closed her eyes again wanting to escape the pain. Seconds later she heard it again. The sound that had woken her. Was it Annabelle? No. Then it occurred to her, it was the sound of someone knocking on her front door. Not banging loudly, just softly knocking.

She had collapsed on her bed, then moment Peter had left her earlier. He had been so sweet. Driving her home and making sure she got to her apartment. She was grateful because she wasn't entirely sure her legs would have supported her.

For hours she lay there thinking and crying. Life had finally been good again, she had been moving on. There were even days she didn't think about him until she went to bed as opposed to the beginning where everything reminded her about him and them. It had taken time but her third degree emotional burns were finally healing. Annabelle had been a big help. Even though she reminded her of Gil, she also reminded her of herself, of Lindsey and their new life. It had been hard, especially when she was just born, all Catherine wanted to do was to call him up and tell him, but she had promised herself and Lindsey that he was out of their lives.

Now it seemed he was doing everything to get back in. She sighed and rose. She didn't even know what to do or say. It wasn't until she passed Annabelle's room on her way to the door she remembered. He didn't know. Within the few seconds it took to realize that she felt panic spread throughout her body like rapid fire.

She stopped dead in her tracks in front of her front door. Just then the knocking stopped. She took a deep breath. He had left. Equal amounts of relief and sorrow swept through her.

"Catherine, please just open the door" his voice softly filtered through the door.

--

**  
September 2008**

**Las Vegas**

**Gil Grissom's townhouse**

Gil stepped back and let Brass in. Brass looked around. The place looked like no one had cared enough to clean for weeks. Brass didn't let on but he noticed the half empty bottle of scotch and a half full glass standing on the coffee table.

They went to the kitchen where Gil pushed away some dirty plates to make room for them and poured a couple of cold cups of coffee into the sink. They sat down on opposite sides of the kitchen counter.

For minutes none of them said anything. Finally Brass took a deep breath and stated talking.

"Gil what are you doing? You should be anywhere but here looking for her. She is not coming back until you do, you do realize that don't you? If you want I can look around for you?"

No reaction. Brass tried again.

"The guys miss you."

Still nothing.

"Sara called me yesterday. San Francisco is treating her well, she said to tell you hello."

Silence.

For five long minutes Brass watched Gil stare into the thin air.

"You want me to find out where she went?" Brass asked, seeing something flash in Gil's eyes. Brass knew Gil had screwed up. Badly. And he wanted to help. For years he had watched the two of them dancing around each other none of them wanting to admit they wanted each other. Then Sara came along and for some reason Gil thought she would make him happy. When all was said and done Brass knew Gil never loved Sara. He was sure Gil had care deeply about her but he never really understood why Gil didn't just open his eyes to see Catherine wanted him as much as he did her.

Then one day things had changed. Brass knew immediately that the two had finally admitted how they felt. They had always been incredibly close, long stares and occasional touches. However, after they got together everything became about occasional touches and stares. And then nothing. Brass had never seen Catherine so defeated. Her usual bobbling personality was now bland and she constantly looked like she was about to crumble and cry. And then she left.

Gil had not been much better. After Catherine had left all he wanted to do was sit at home. He had become completely isolated. Not wanting to talk to anyone. He missed work several nights in row, which made Brass go to his home only to find him completely broken down. Brass called in a weeklong sick leave for him that night. Now he came to work most nights, and did his job but he never seemed to enjoy anything anymore. Once or twice every week Brass would go see Gil after work just to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid like killing himself.

"I'll see you at work tonight" Brass got up to leave but Gil's hand stopped him.

"Don't...leave...just yet, okay?" Brass saw the desperation in Gii's eyes and then he realized, he was terrified of being alone.

"Okay..." Brass assured his friend.

"Why don't I order us some food and a cleaning lady" Brass said, the last part muttered mostly to himself.

Brass went into the living room to make a couple of calls. Gil watched him leave, making sure he was out of eyesight he pulled a piece of paper out from his pocket. It was completely crumbled and worn; it had been looked at and folded again hundred if not thousands of times.

His eyes moved from the: Martin LeBlanc, private investigator seal to the sentences below he had reread a million times by now.

"Dear Gil Grissom,

Our investigation found that Ms. Catherine Willows and daughter Lindsey Willows boarded American Airlines flight 307 Las Vegas to Washington DC on July 7 at 5.20 PM local Las Vegas time.

If you require our services for any additional information please let us know, and we will be glad to help you. And thank you very much for your very generous payment. We would be more than happy to work for you again in the future. "

Brass returned with their take out and as they began to eat, Brass leaned over and turned on the radio. The two friends ate in silence to the sound of a song on the radio:

_I never meant to tear your world apart_

_I never meant to break another heart_

_I've traded a moment's bliss_

_for the price of our happiness_

_I didn't wanna mess things up again_

_I never meant to cheat and hurt a friend_

_I've traded a moment's bliss_

_for the price of our happiness_

_**- Moment's bliss, Julie**_

**--  
**

Dear everyone.  
Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter, life just got in the way. I am back, and I'll do my best to update soon again. Since this is a very complicated story I tend to look for several hours in a row for writing, so I can get all the details and research down for each chapter, just to let you know why it sometimes takes a while to update!

Hope you still enjoy it. It's been a pleasure writing it! Kisses C


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